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How Building Healthy Attachments in Adulthood Can Improve Relationships and Mental Health

Writer's picture: Jody RamboldJody Rambold



Attachment in adulthood is rooted in the early emotional bonds formed between a child and their caregivers. According to attachment theory, these early relationships significantly influence how individuals experience and navigate relationships throughout their lives. John Bowlby and later researchers like Mary Ainsworth extended the theory to adulthood, particularly in the context of romantic relationships.


There are four main attachment styles observed in adulthood, shaped by early experiences:


Secure Attachment


• Characteristics: Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthy, balanced relationships. They are comfortable with intimacy, able to trust others, and also maintain independence.


• Behavior: These adults feel secure and connected in their relationships, can communicate their needs openly, and are generally well-adjusted in handling emotional challenges.


• Impact on Relationships: Securely attached individuals often have longer-lasting, fulfilling relationships with better conflict resolution skills.


Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment


• Characteristics: People with an anxious attachment style often crave closeness but are insecure about whether others feel the same way. They may fear rejection or abandonment and tend to be overly dependent on their partners for validation.


• Behavior: They may exhibit clingy or needy behaviors, seek constant reassurance, and experience high levels of emotional distress in relationships.


• Impact on Relationships: These adults may struggle with jealousy, worry, and emotional ups and downs. Their need for reassurance can sometimes overwhelm their partners.


Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment


• Characteristics: Avoidantly attached adults value independence and often have difficulty with emotional intimacy. They may distance themselves from partners to avoid vulnerability or reliance on others.


• Behavior: They tend to minimize emotional expressions and prefer to rely on themselves rather than others. These individuals may appear emotionally unavailable or detached.


• Impact on Relationships: This style can lead to challenges in relationships where emotional connection and closeness are needed. They might struggle to form deep bonds or maintain long-term relationships due to their desire to avoid emotional dependence.


Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment


• Characteristics: Fearful-avoidant individuals often have conflicting desires for closeness and intimacy but are also afraid of getting hurt or rejected. They may push others away, even when they crave connection.


• Behavior: These individuals tend to have unpredictable or chaotic relationship patterns, oscillating between fear of intimacy and fear of abandonment.


• Impact on Relationships: Fearful-avoidant attachment can lead to intense, unstable relationships with frequent emotional turmoil. Trust issues, fear, and emotional dysregulation often characterize their relational experiences.


Attachment Styles and Romantic Relationships


Adult attachment styles often manifest most clearly in romantic relationships, where patterns of emotional bonding, dependence, and trust come to the forefront. Securely attached individuals tend to have more stable and fulfilling relationships, while those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may experience greater relationship difficulties, such as jealousy, fear of rejection, or an inability to connect emotionally.


However, attachment styles are not fixed. People can shift toward a more secure attachment style through self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationship experiences. Understanding one’s attachment style can provide insight into how to improve communication, emotional regulation, and relational dynamics.


Want to learn more about your own attachment and how it is impacting your relationship?



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adult individual trauma counselling in Victoria and throughout British Columbia. 
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